The Librarian

A little about myself; what defines me and drives me.

There's a number of things I could say, but my life is very scattered. Interests if lined up would be too many to count and the ebb and flow of information constantly alters my personality if only slightly. The ocean slowly changes the shape of the land. In this way life changes me.

I've always felt a bit like an older mind was inhabiting my head. The thoughts I have and the wisdom I've come to rely on doesn't even feel as if it's my own at times. Infinitely curious and ever watchful of new ideas to absorb, the rate at which my consciousness is evolving seems almost unnatural. Always reflecting and adjusting as if to reprogram my mind to be more kind, useful, attentive, or patient. All these things and I'd be the first to tell you I still have a long way to go. I strive for perfection and even though I expect to always fall short of it I don't shy away from the path. This is what I've chosen for myself and it's not because I want to be praised or looked upon differently. No, it's simply because I want others around me to be happy, enjoy the conversations we have together, and be at ease when I'm around.

In my efforts to improve my own life, I find myself wanting to help others push themselves to be better as well. Almost certainly to a fault. I've learned a lot in my life and want to give that knowledge to others, but I often realize I'm being too forward. My mind thinks of a logical solution that seems like the best path forward and leaves out much of the expression of emotion at times. Not for lack of love, but simply for want of those I love to have happiness. There's a path there and I want to follow it. Not everything is black and white though and through the years I've learned to give a little freedom without suggestion. At times people just need to live through and experience something for themselves. Hard as it is to watch someone you love hurting, harder still is it to watch them hurting when you know what could have prevented their pain.

Though, such is life, and such is the human experience. Ever too complex to understand with any sense of completeness. Never shall I reach a day when I feel as though I've learned enough. Always will there be new paths to explore and ever eager I am to wander.

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